Sickening

I'm home from my vacation and I'm at a loss for words.

Best I can describe it is: awkward hookup, minus the actual hookup.

I'm left with so many unanswered questions and so many more. Best I can gather is that I'm not wanted but at the same time I am. That I'm preferred as an leisure only when needed.

I went with the thought, the motive, that it was a first date situation. I didn't want to kiss him that first night. After many tears (and many more to come) I definitely didn't want to kiss him when I left.

I just don't know. All I know is I want to cry.

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