Stand By Me

It's impossible for me to be happy...

I've fallen down so far that I don't think I'll ever come up for air. No one can make this DarkShark smile anymore.

I had finally got something I longed for since I was little. A lover. A house. A home...

For once, I felt myself easing and becoming a better person.

But as time passed, I realized it was all a charade. I ended up in a separate room. Eating dinners alone. Taking out my anger on animals. Then bottling it up as I bit the inside of my lip leaving an impression forever.

I now wake up, work, gym (maybe), bed.

I don't see people. I don't talk to people. I don't socialize.

I cry. I cry because it hurts so much to be where I am after making it so far. I had a home. Somewhere I felt safe. Someone, who with a touch, calmed my roughest waters.

...

I looked into a personality test recently. INFJ. I am an INFJ. I've never heard of that combination of letters when deceiving a person. But it's me.

Someone who is calm and crazy at one time. Who wants to make the world a better place and is happy in doing so. Someone who channels their own emotions and feelings by those few close loved ones.

I'm broken. I don't belong.

My job runs me into the ground with people who could care less if they ruin another's life. My co-worker exhausts me with teasing talk of a happier person. My apartment reminds me I'm poor with my bed on the floor and barely able to afford a studio. My body reminds me that I'm not healthy and I'll be lucky to make it to an old age. Time shows me how slow life can be when you're alone and that's all I have ever been and ever will be.

What if I could turn back time? Would I change my actions to hold on a little longer? Or would I avoid it all?

People say that I have it good. That I'm just an attention seeker. But they're wrong. I could be under a bridge and be happy. My belief is that I was made to find another. And as days go by, I doubt I will ever again.

I'm to that point in my sadness where I don't think I'm making any sense. Not to mention that my sketchy internet sucks and hasn't for that several days.

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